Thursday, May 30, 2013

Barbara Kay Doesn't Like Polyamorists

With Polycon underway and in the news, Barbara Kay at decided write and let the world know that she thinks being polyamorous makes you immoral and promiscuous (and being promiscuous is very bad). However, she never bothers to cite exactly what is wrong with enjoying loving relationships or sex with more than one person. She probably doesn't care that some polyamorists will have fewer sexual partners over their lifetime than many people who claim to be monogamous.
Should we be surprised that “polyamorists” — mixed-sex threesomes or foursomes in open “relationships” — have come out of the closet, clamouring for their slice of the matrimonial pie?

No, you shouldn't. It's called treating adults as adults.

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Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Two Different Themes Lumped Together

Liana Maeby at appears to be keeping track of depictions or implications of "incest" on television, DVD, and cinema. I recently blogged about another listing she did, and here's her most recent listing.  (SPOILERS for Game of Thrones, Bates Motel, True Blood, The Last Days of Anne Boleyn, The Avengers 2 and Behind the Candelabra might be at that link and below.)
Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch 
Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch

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Tuesday, May 28, 2013

More on Being Attracted to Family

Ken Eisold, PhD, wrote about something we covered earlier: recent evidence about being attracted to the appearance of family members that can manifest in our attraction to people who aren’t family members, but resemble family members.

There is other evidence for this tendency -- as well as parallel perspectives. Neuroscientists now understand that the brain organizes input according to pre-existing categories. So the earlier experiences we all had with caregivers - those who were present and active in caring for us as children - become the templates for later relationships. That may be why, as Professor Fraley put it, we are drawn to others who resemble our kin.

Psychoanalysts have called this tendency "transference," since it seems that attachments to earlier figures in our lives are transferred to current figures with whom we are deeply engaged. That's why the people with whom we fall in love tend to resemble parental figures. That also helps to explain why we reproduce parental expectations in our relationships with the therapists we come to trust and on whom we depend.

So far, so good.
But those attachments can also become frightening if they are too intense or if they tempt us into actions that conflict with adult responsibilities. It is touching for a daughter to say she wants to marry her daddy when she grows up, but it would be shocking for her daddy to encourage those feelings and criminal to exploit them.

Yes, if a parent of a minor child grooms that child for abuse or emotional dependency, that’s horrible. But if not, and that child returns home with eyes wide open having seen what’s out in the world, and as and adult that child chooses to enter into a new level of relationship with a parent, that’s not a problem.
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CPAA Polycon Gets Coverage

Joseph Brean reported at on Polycon, which is taking place in British Columbia this week. It is the first national conference in Canada, hosted by the Canadian Polyamory Advocacy Association.
CPAA director Zoe Duff is in a “triad,” as she put it, living with two men for the past five years. They all date other people, but the triad is the core.
LYLE STAFFORD / Postmedia News file 
CPAA director Zoe Duff is in a “triad,” as she put it, living with two men for the past five years. They all date other people, but the triad is the core.

Sessions at Polycon, as it is billed, focus on legal issues, networking, managing jealousy, “poly-feminism,” and a report based on interviews with both new and more experienced attendees of a polyamorous “sauna night” at a Toronto home.

Sounds like a great conference.

One session describes how to set up a “line family,” described by Richard Gilmore and Elon de Arcana as “a multi-generation poly family that adds new, generally younger, members as the older members pass on or members depart. In this way the family never ends and family investments, businesses and property holdings continue to increase in value. This provides a stable environment and good economic start for children and a secure retirement for older members of the family.

While we wait for full marriage equality, polyamorous people should use whatever legal and financial mechanisms ethically acceptable to protect and provide for themselves and their families.
Like other niche communities, judgmentalism and moral superiority abounds among polyamorists, and minor differences are elevated to wedge issues. 

That is the subject of one talk, by life coach Samantha Fraser, is how not to be a “Poly Elite Douchenozzle.”

“In any pond, there’s people who are going to be, ‘I do it better than you,’” said Zoe Duff, a director of CPAA. “Within the poly community, there are people who think that you need to do it this way, and there’s people who think you need to do it another way.”
Yes, the "poly community" is widely diverse. They only thing uniting all poly people is that they are in, or oriented to, relationships in which there are ultimately at least three people involved. With diversity in what polyamory "looks like," in addition to philosophical, socioeconomic, political, religious, etc. differences, there are going to be conflicts.

The article includes some negativity, but overall it is good to see some coverage of this conference.
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Thursday, May 23, 2013

GSA Movie Planned

It sounds like a movie with Genetic Sexual Attraction as a plot element is in the works. At, reports...
Maipo Films (the outfit behind Liv Ullmann’s Miss Julie) is pushing ahead with new incest drama Hjemlengsel and has attached newcomer Ine Wilman as star.
Of course, "incest drama" can mean a movie about sexual assault or molestation, so I was wary, but I kept reading...
Hjemlengsel is the story of an unhappily married dance instructor who discovers she has a brother. The problem arises when she falls in love with him.
“It has some of the same tone as Happy Happy,” Hørsdal said.
Sounds like GSA to me, and probably sounds very familiar to some people who have had experiences like this in their life. It will be directed by Anne Sewitsky, who won at Sundance for "Happy Happy." The budget will be about $4,000,000.

Consanguinamory, whether initiated through Genetic Sexual Attraction or not, is a topic that can provide compelling drama as well as comedy, and can do so with realistic portrayals based on relationships that do actually exist. There will be people uncomfortable with the topic, most of them because they haven't allowed themselves to seriously consider such portrayals, instead seeing only negative or horror-based depictions.

Some movie maker needs to talk with Diane Rinella about adapting her novel.
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Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Taking Prejudice to a Whole New Level

Actors get typecast, or some people identify an actor with one role so much that it interferes with appreciating that actor in a different roles. wrote a piece I found at titled "The Divergent–Fault in Our Stars Fake Incest Problem" in which she has trouble accepting casting choices because two actors who played sibling characters in a trilogy will be playing unrelated characters in another production who, at some point, are "making out."
We understand that these are made-up characters in a made-up movie and nothing untoward is actually happening, but still: This is a strange decision. Of all the possible teen actors (and there are so many, according to the fan blogs), why would you choose the one guy who is already playing your lead actress's brother in another high-profile YA franchise? It is hard enough to forget an actor's résumé under normal circumstances; now we have to bring fake incest into this?
My guess is that the people who made the casting decisions made them based on the needs of the the current production.
It makes all four (five, probably) movies ickier, for no obvious reason other than "we liked this guy, too."
Okay, icky is a bit immature.
Yes. It is.

Here's one of the better comments left by a reader...
John himself address this in a video. He said something along the lines of, 'You don't watch Silver Linings Playbook and wonder what Katniss is doing in a suburb of Philadelphia.' He also says they work well together. Probably because they already know each other. They are actors. They act!
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Tuesday, May 21, 2013

What Really Happened in Pender County North Carolina?

Something is rotten in North Carolina. What, exactly, remains to be seen. Something terrible has happened, but I'm not sure if it because some allegations are true or because they false.

reported at several days ago...

Detectives with the Pender County Sheriff’s Office are searching a father and daughter wanted for incest.

That's how the article opens. Based on that alone, it sounds like they are wanted for consensual adult incest with each other, which shouldn't a be a crime in the first place.
Robert Earley [address redacted] is charged with incest against a child who is 13, 14 or 15 years old and defendant is at least six years older than the child when the incest occurred, Detective Sgt. John Leatherwood said. He is also charged with statutory rape/sex offense where the defendant is at least six years older than the child, negligent child abuse involving serious injury, and incest.

Serious charges. If someone preys on a child, they should be locked up in a bad place for a very long time.

Natalie Earley, who lives in the same home with her father, is also charged with incest.

Hmmm. Comparing the charges against her to the charges against him, it would seem to me that the charge against her deals with consensual adult incest, since she isn't charged with abusing a child. If that is so, she shouldn't be facing any charges. He's 51, she's 25.

The story was also reported at and then more information was presented in this report by at

When WWAY drove by the home where investigators say Robert and Natalie used to live, Robert's mother and one of his daughters were home and spoke to us.

They say the allegations Pender County has charged Robert and Natalie with stem from a custody battle Robert and his estranged wife are having over their five-year-old son. As far as the family is concerned, Robert and Natalie are both innocent.
Ah. The plot thickens. Do some people abuse children? Yes. Do some people in custody disputes make false allegations of child abuse? Yes. Do family members of people who are facing criminal charges swear their loved ones are innocent even if they aren't? Yes. So... we still don't know for sure what is going on here. But read on...

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Coming Out as Polyamorous to Potential Partners

Anna Pulley, RedEye's sex columnist at, answered a question about coming out as poly to potential dates...
I'm wondering when is the best time, and how, to tell a prospective dating person that you are in a polyamorous relationship. Obviously before any physicality, but in a more granular sense, when? Call, text, first date?--Poly Wanna Answer
Unless someone has met in forum or context that implies their relationship orientation, nobody should make assumptions either way. It should not be assumed that someone is monogamous or looking for monogamy, nor should it be assumed someone is polyamorous or looking for polyamory.

The answer...
There’s a delicate balance when you’re first dating someone of what to disclose and what not to. You want to be honest and upfront, but you also want to respect the “getting to know you” process, which can be upset by Big Conversations too early.
I see nothing wrong with bringing up on a first date why you are dating. In fact, I think it is a good idea. The discussion doesn't have to be serious or drawn out. Here's an example...

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Monday, May 20, 2013

Consanguinamory as Entertainment

Liana Maeby wrote at, providing spoilers galore about some television shows and other entertainment, including Bates Motel and The Borgias.

I previously blogged about The Borgias with spoilers here.

Norma and Norman Bates in bed
Credit: A&E

When last we spoke of incest, rumors were circulating about the decades-long affair between Jaime and Cersei on "Game of Thrones" and Norma was inserting herself deeper and deeper into her son's life on "Bates Motel." Also, half of Iceland began taking precautionary measures to ensure they weren't accidentally banging their cousins. A whole week has gone by since then, and it has brought with it many more gifts of incestuous content. Here's all the latest on the last taboo.
Collections like this are often presented as "isn't this an outrageous trend," but the truth is, people are fascinated by the topic.

As can be seen with this collection, consensual incest is presented as something shocking or indicative or something being wrong with the people involved.

The truth, though, is that there are good citizens, good neighbors, good people who have had, or are in, consanguinamorous relationships that are happy, healthy, and fulfilling, where the biggest problems are the prejudice they face or did face.

These topics have always been a part of literature and theater, and our media and entertainment should present a balanced depiction of the topic.
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Sunday, May 19, 2013

Two Men Still Denied the Freedom to Marry

Slowly, the (limited) same-sex freedom to marry is being won in more states in the US, and in countries around the world. But there are gay couples who still face discrimination and a denial of their right to marry. This is one reason why we need full marriage equality.

“Anonymous” is a gay man who would marry the love of his life, a bisexual man, if he could. But he can’t, because that man he’s sharing his life with is his brother.

Here’s the interview. Some of the language is descriptive of sex.

[This interview is  being bumped up on the blog in honor of more states adopting the limited same-gender freedom to marry.]

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Saturday, May 18, 2013

ENDA Should Be More Inclusive

I haven't forgotten about ENDA. So I'm bumping up and updating this...

Unless you lead a very sheltered life, you have to have heard about the struggles many LGBT people face because of prejudice about their orientation or identity. You can see some of the same struggles expressed when it comes to people who are experiencing GSA or FSA or Poly people also face hostility and persecution simply for being who they are, including being shunned by relatives and fired from their jobs.

Just look at what Polly wrote

I've lost several family members who have burst into angry flames upon coming out to them as poly…I worry that I will burst into happy tears upon actually finding someone who is kind to me, but that they will run away the instant they see the great gaping hole of hurt that has been left in my heart after the horrific coming out process I've had. Run away! Run away! Crazy, lonely Poly Mom wants to talk to you!!

Reading her blog, I could see she’s an intelligent, responsible, caring person. And yet she because she loves more than one person, she has been rejected by family. We’re not talking about cheating behind a spouse’s back. Everyone involved in the relationships are aware and consenting. Drop the hate.

While the proposed Employment Non-Discrimination Act can do little to directly improve family acceptance, at least it will protect people in the workplace. There has been some dispute over whether ENDA should include protections for the transgendered or just sexual orientation protection. I think it should take an approach that is more inclusive in general, protecting people from workplace discrimination on the basis of not only their gender identity, but their wider sexual identity. An employer should not be able to fire someone because their consensual sex life, living arrangements, or marital status – period.
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Thursday, May 16, 2013

Rant of the Day

This comes from a bright, beautiful, friendly woman...
Am sick of society and its bigoted misinformed opinion about our type of relationships. We have two beautiful children together, but they face immense stigma and we face prison and having them taken away if the truth ever came out...just my little rant for the day ;)

She and her brother were brought together by what was likely Genetic Sexual Attraction, and they are now a happy couple with healthy, adorable children together.

Wouldn't it be a miscarriage of justice to force them apart? Isn't it ridiculous that, not only can they not legally marry, but they have to hide their love for each other? Something is very wrong when we have laws and stigmas against lovers like these.

We're working to change that, and change is happening. You may live next to a family like this and not even know it. Consanguinamorous people are literally everywhere.

Thanks to all who support relationship rights and full marriage equality for all.
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Indie Movie Features Consanguinamorous Feelings

at reviews Dan Sallitt's independent movie, "The Unspeakable Act", giving it three stars...

The Unspeakable Act
Written and directed by Dan Sallitt (a former Reader contributor), this hushed, discreet indie drama details the complicated relationship between two siblings of a tight-knit, upper-middle-class Brooklyn family. Seventeen-year-old Jackie (Tallie Medel), the bright and seemingly well-adjusted younger daughter, harbors romantic and sexual feelings for her 18-year-old brother, Matthew (Sky Hirschkron). He never openly reciprocates them, but they share an intimacy that complicates their other relationships. 
Sounds interesting, no?
The Unspeakable Act isn't presented as a case study of incestuous behavior, nor does it offer any insights into the psychology of incestuous desire. In fact it actively works against the Oedipal notions we bring to an incest story. In the grand tradition of French director Eric Rohmer, to whom Sallitt dedicates the film, The Unspeakable Act is a story in which transgression is considered but never acted upon.

Hmmm. Based on the review, the movie doesn't provide endorsement or defense of consanguinamorous feelings.

I do want to see a well-made movie in which there is a lasting consanguinamorous relationship, with the biggest problem being the discrimination faced by the lovers. Relationships like that do exist, and their story should be told more often. What would be the icing on the cake would be to have an actual sibling pair be the actors. Hollywood does have some successful brothers and sisters, who could probably "get away" with taking on the challenge. On the other hand, it might launch the career of a struggling pair of sibling actors. I recall reading somewhere of actors who were siblings who had a romantic kissing scene, but the characters were not siblings.

Anyway, this is as good of time as any to mention again that Diane Rinella has a book called Love's Forbidden Flower.
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Wednesday, May 15, 2013

Sam Woolfe is Another Ally For the Polygamous Freedom to Marry

Sam Woolfe at had a piece that asked, "Should Polygamy Be Legalized?"  He does a rather good job countering some of the typical misinformation about polygamy and polyamory used by those who want to deny people this freedom to marry and relationship rights.
Polygamy, or a marriage involving more than two partners, is illegal in most countries. Polygamous marriages may not be performed in the UK, and if one is performed then the already married person is guilty of the crime of bigamy. Bigamy is the act of entering into a marriage with one person, whilst already being married to someone else.

I can understand having laws against defrauding someone by hiding an existing marriage or "secretly" entering into a new one while still married to someone who would not agree, but there should be no laws barring the polygamous freedom to marry when all involved agree.
 Where polygamy is legal, those who have entered into a polygamous marriage are still discriminated against – their marriage is not recognised for pension, immigration or citizenship purposes.

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Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Will Brazil Lead the Way in the West?

Hey Canada? Are you going to let Brazil beat you? Maybe by the time the Summer Olympics arrive there in a little over less than three years, Brazil will have full marriage equality.

It looks like Brazil will now have the same-gender freedom to marry nationwide.

Before this, though, anti-equality hate groups freaked out because a notary accepted a civil union between three people. So of course Brazil disappeared into the Atlantic Ocean. Only, it didn't. Not only did that not happen, but nobody was harmed. Here is the article from the BBC last August when that happened...
A notary in the Brazilian state of Sao Paulo has sparked controversy by accepting a civil union between three people.

Public Notary Claudia do Nascimento Domingues has said the man and two women should be entitled to family rights.

She says there is nothing in law to prevent such an arrangement.

Good for her!
Nathaniel Santos Batista Junior, a jurist who helped draft the document, said the idea was to protect their rights in case of separation or death of a partner, Globo reports.

Ms Domingues, who is based in the Sao Paulo city of Tupa, said the move reflected the fact that the idea of a "family" had changed.

"We are only recognising what has always existed. We are not inventing anything."
Yay! The BBC did not quote anyone saying exactly what was wrong with this, just essentially saying they didn't personally like it.

Brazil has no laws against consanguinamory, so nationwide full marriage equality for all lovers should be possible. An adult, regardless of sexual orientation, gender, race, or religion, should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with ANY and ALL consenting adults, and if civil unions or domestic partnerships are issued or registered by a government, LGBT and poly people and people in consanguinamorous relationships should have equal access to them.

Canadians, are you willing to fall behind Brazil? Will the US Supreme Court let an opportunity to take the lead slip by? The US state of Rhode Island could leap to the front of pack if the leaders there want to. Who will be first in the West to reach full marriage equality?
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A Lifelong Love Denied Marriage Equality

In my quest to speed the arrival of relationship rights for all adults, including full marriage equality, I come in contact with a rich diversity of people. Some of those people tell me about their youthful experimentation with their siblings, or later flings with another close relative, and tell me it was mainly about experimenting and learning or mainly about sex.

Others tell me about their deep, abiding, wholistic love with their close relative, relationships that are more beautiful and profound than most of the other marriages you see… the ones that don’t have to be hidden in a closet. Bearsbaby was generous with her time and privacy, sharing with me to provide the follow interview, which is one of the best so far. (I am bumping up this interview because it is one of my favorites and still as relevant as ever.)


Bearsbaby is an attractive, and as you will see, eloquent woman living in Scotland. She is in her mid-30s and a “born and bred” highlander. She works as a personal assistant for her brother, who works in law helping the disabled. Sometimes, she is also caretaker to her brother due to serious ongoing health problems.

FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: You live with your brother. Does anyone else live with you?

Bearsbaby: Me and my brother live as husband and wife. Although nobody lives with us, we do have pets, and we quite often have our elder sister come and stay for anything up to a month at a time. We deliberately moved to a city so we could be together and build our relationship together.

FME: Is your brother your full blood brother? Is he younger or older than you, and if so, by how much? What other siblings do you have and are they older, younger, what?

My bear is my full blood brother and is a year older than myself. I have an elder sister, a younger brother and an older brother. Due to our relationship though, we no longer have contact with our older brother.

FME: Describe your relationship with your brother.

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Monday, May 13, 2013

Another Ally For the Polygamous Freedom to Marry

Professor Mark Goldfeder makes a compelling case for the polygamous freedom to marry. He wrote on "Polygamy and DOMA" at
The plural marriage movement is real. An estimated 50,000 to 150,000 polygamous families already live in America, from the well-publicized Muslims and Mormons to the African and Vietnamese immigrants keeping up their cultural ways. From modern feminists looking for a better work/life balance, to family traditionalists, who maintain that any marriage is better than none in the fight against the rising tide of single parents, cohabitation, and divorce.
Over 500,000 others identify as polyamorous, and engage in "ethical non-monogamy" — loving, committed, concurrent, consensual relationships with multiple partners.

I think that estimate is on the extremely low side. Many polyamorous people have never been part of any survey or polyamory group and may not even be out.
Experts say that 30 to 60 percent of married people in the U.S. will commit adultery over the course of their ‘exclusive, dyadic relationships,’ producing a form of de facto polygamy.
While that certainly means the relationships are not monogamous, in most cases it probably can't be called polygamy or polyamory, which are terms that imply all involved have agreed to the relationships.
Thousands of others will actually marry a second, sometimes even a third person, albeit after a legal divorce from their original spouse.

Yes. Very few people are truly monogamous over the course of their lifetime.
While some believe that plural marriage could lead to harm against women, regulation would protect them.

Gender inequality under the law harms women, not polygamy. A woman should have just as much right to marry multiple spouses as a man.
Those who would argue against plural marriage have their work cut out for them. The Bible records at least 40 instances of the practice. Confucianism, Islam, Hinduism, and some forms of Mormonism also support it. While Catholicism bans it, other forms of Christianity are somewhat less opposed.

Plural marriage is legal in more than 150 countries, with an estimated 2 billion practitioners and 3 billion supporters. Anthropologists believe that it was the norm through most of human history, until the sixth century Christian influence of the Roman Emperor Justinian. As a North American value, plural marriage is older than monogamy. According to one study of Native American tribes, a full 84 percent of them practiced it.

Natural law arguments also fail. Biologists lately have discovered that in the animal kingdom, there is almost no such thing as monogamy.
There is no good reason to deny the polygamous freedom to marry. Let's stop quibbling over which adults get which relationship rights. More and more people are realizing that an adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion, should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage with any and all consenting adults, without prosecution, bullying, or discrimination. Full marriage equality will happen. Let's make it sooner rather than later.
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Thursday, May 9, 2013

Are You Watching Nat Geo's Polygamy USA?

Kaylee Hultgren writes at wrote about National Geographic Channel's new show, "Polygamy USA."  It looks at the Arizona community of Centennial Park

The series, produced by Part2 Pictures, gives an unprecedented look at the subculture of a polygamist community. That kind of access—and the ability to tell stories that are genuine, honest and accurate—initially attracted Nat Geo to the project.

The thing is, these sorts of communities are more accurately described by the religion to which everyone in the community is expected to claim is theirs. Yes, the community supports polygynous ("plural") marriages, but it is their common religion that is what defines them. There are polygamists and polyamorists living in just about every community in the US, it is just that in most places, the wider community support is not there, and discrimination can make life difficult.

The article explains that NatGeo has had series documenting other US subcultures, such as life inside prisons and Amish communities. To feature Centennial, trust had to be built.

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Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Dark Eden Gets Award

This report by at tells of Chris Beckett winning the Arthur C. Clarke Award, the UK's top science fiction prize, for Dark Eden.

Edge Hill short story prize winner Chris Beckett
Photograph: Colin McPherson

His winning novel, described in the Guardian's review as "both properly alien and properly probable", is set on the planet Eden, a faraway world with no natural light source. One hundred and sixty three years ago, its discoverers crash-landed on its surface, and Tommy and Angela's 532 descendents – the Family – are still waiting for the return of the fabled "Landing Veekle" to take them back to Earth.
Of interest to readers of this blog is that the colony is started by the consanguinamorous offspring of two stranded astronauts.

For something set on this planet that isn't sci-fi, check out Diane Rinella's Love's Forbidden Flower.

Consanguinamorous relationships can make for compelling fiction. The media industry is catching on to that.
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Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Kickstarting a Polyamory Series

With the National Geographic channel being the latest media platform showcasing of Mormonism-based* polygyny (plural marriage), it would be good for other forms of polygamy and polyamory in general to be featured as well. Well, here's another chance. Rob Thomas has this article at

A filmmaker and Madison native is hoping to raise funds through his Kickstarter campaign to film a web series about polyamorous couples in Madison.

Ben Fritz, who was born in Madison and now lives in Los Angeles, is asking for $30,000 to fund the project, called "The Ethical Slut," named after the book about polyamory. As of Friday, Fritz was more than halfway to his goal, but needs to raise the funds by 8:29 a.m. on Thursday, May 9.

If you are reading this before the deadline, consider it!
On the site, Fritz describes the series as a 12-episode fictional series that would be shot in a mockumentary style, like "The Office," and would "showcase Madison as a city, in a similar way as 'Portlandia' shows off Portland."

"The Ethical Slut" is described as a dark, female-driven comedy about swingers that aims to promote a positive and healthy outlook towards sex.
Good media often means more media, more awareness, and change.
Like all Kickstarter campaigns, the campaign offers perks for donors at every level. At the $10 level, donors get the chance to preview the web series early, while $10,000 donors get an executive producer title and a role in the series.

Fritz's last web project was the three-episode "Cynthia Watrous Gets Lost," a comedy series about the former "Lost" actress navigating Hollywood.

Looking forward to it.

*The largest and most well-know Mormon denomination, the Salt Lake City, Utah-based Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, officially renounced polygamy for this life a long time ago, but many other groups who consider the Book of Mormon (the book, not the play) and scripture and Joseph Smith as a prophet still practice polygyny.
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Monday, May 6, 2013

Saudi Woman Picks Her Sister Wives

A Saudi woman told her fiancé that she would marry him on the condition that he would also marry her two best friends, who happened to be her coworkers at the school she taught at.
That could be a brilliant move on her part, pre-empting (at least for now) him finding wives she doesn't like. She likes these women and gets along with them.
“He realized that she was not joking when she insisted on her demand … after mediation efforts by relatives, he agreed to marry the three school teachers,” reported the Saudi Arabic language daily Alyoum in a report from the western town of Taif. After the man wed the three friends, he rented them all their own apartments and the husband takes turns rotating between their places.
Unfortunately, women do not have the same rights there as men do. I would like to see both men and women free to marry any and all consenting adults. But it looks like she made the best of the situation. I have to wonder if those women have been more than friends and coworkers. The article does indicate they spend time at each others' apartments.
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The Poly Scene in Halifax

at wrote about polyamory in Halifax.
It started when Amy was chatting with a friend who had become poly with her own boyfriend. At first, Amy said, she thought it was an awful idea. "I'm a pretty jealous person," she says. But that night after a few drinks, Amy came home to Robert. "You know, Drunk Amy," she jokes. "I was like, we should try being polyamorous!"

Polyamory is the state of having romantic relationships with more than one other person at the same time.
Or, better, it is the state of having romantic, erotic, or sexual relationships involving three or more people at the same time with the consent of all involved. It could be one person out of the three seeing the other two, with the other two seeing only that one person.
Polyamorous people are quick to distinguish themselves from swingers or couples in open relationships--- situations where usually, members of a monogamous couple have casual sex with other people.

Some people might classify swingers and people in open relationships as polyamorous, but not all polyamorous people swing or are in open relationships.

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Harry's Law Depicts Polyamorous Twins

Friend of Full Marriage Equality, NGD, called my attention to an episode of the television show Harry's Law (this link has spoilers in a written recap.)

NGD wrote...
This caught my attention, because of the way these women were displayed, their mentioning of polyamory and marriages and how the prosecutor treated them (she referred to them as disgusting)
From the link...
When Tommy and his partner arrive at the precinct, it turns out the defendant twins were married to the same man – the murder victim. They explain the twins shared the same man for tax purposes, and besides, they did not engage in threesome sex. They would sleep with the man separately, and they have the same DNA. On the night of the murder, they were both home, and are innocent.
From what I understand from the recap and comments about the episode, it doesn't portray polyamory in a positive light. Has anyone else seen it? If so, what do you think?

Like anyone else, you can find poly people who commit crimes, or have something about them you're not going to like. Polyamory needs more positive portrayals in media, which was stuck for way too long in a rut or portraying endogamous heterosexual (often serial) monogamy has the only acceptable relationship model.
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Friday, May 3, 2013

No, Rhode Island Does Not Have Equality - Yet

Congratulations to all of the people in Rhode Island who will now be free to marry because the state has become the latest to adopt the limited same-gender freedom to marry!
Many of the statements from politicians and reports of this have said that Rhode Island adopted marriage equality, but this is not quite accurate. There are adults who are allowed to share their lives, including sex and raising children, able to live as spouses, who are still denied their right to marry.
For example, Rhode Island is the most progressive state when it come to consanguinamory. There are no restrictions on consanguineous sex between adults.
This means that people in consanguinamorous relationships are not breaking any law in Rhode Island. Since they are not breaking any law, since they are legally free to be together and raise children together if they want, why are they denied their right to marry?

There are people of all sexual orientations in polyamorous relationships who also continue to be denied their right to marry.
This is why full marriage equality is needed. An adult, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, race, or religion, should be free to marry any and all consenting adults, protected from prosecution, bullying, and discrimination. Equality "just for some" or in some ways, but not others, is not equality. Let's stand up for every adult's right to marry the person(s) she or he loves.

So, Rhode Island does not have full marriage equality... yet. But it is a state that easily could get there. Keep evolving, Rhode Island! There is no good reason to stop short of full marriage equality.
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Thursday, May 2, 2013

Polyamory Saved This Marriage

Rebecca Golden gives a glimpse at into her polyamorous relationship with a married man.

Apart from his wife, I'm the only woman Mick's ever been with.

Apart from his wife, I'm the only woman Mick's ever been with. They started dating at 18, and have been together nearly 15 years. They arrived at polyamory because she didn't want to have the kind of sex he liked, and vice versa. Despite this difference of opinion, they shared too much - and needed one another too much - to simply divorce. They had a child together and a life that worked. Both read the book The Ethical Slut and decided that including other loves would help their marriage rather than harm it.
There are many reasons and many ways polyamory might be right for a couple. As you can see, in this case, it was because while they were meeting each others' needs in many ways, they weren't meeting their sexual needs, and so having a polyamorous relationship has been the solution. Others are polyamorous as part of who they are, and part of their sexual compatibility includes nonmonogamy. Isn't it better that this marriage became polyamorous instead of having frustration fester into divorce?

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Uganda With the Wind

Uganda sure seems like a hellhole, with the corruption and the horrifying human rights record. Extreme homophobia is enough reason to stay way from the place. Now comes this report from Betty Angatai at about how some married heterosexuals are treated. I hope all peaceful and loving people can get out of there.
A 40-year-old man in Mayuge district has been expelled from his ‘Baise Magumba’ clan over incest after he married his 25-year-old niece.

Jowali Waiswa, a resident of Kavule village in Imanyiro sub-county, was on Sunday expelled after his clan members complained about his act of marrying a relative, an act that is against the norms of the clan and the Busoga culture.

Dalausi Magumba, the leader of the clan, said Waiswa secretly married his sister’s daughter and has stayed with her for six years, during which they have produced three children.
And yet the world didn't end. So why not leave them alone to love each other? Notice that no mention is made that there is anything wrong with the children. I'm sure that would have been included if there was.

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Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Bigots Claim to Know Happy Home is Unhappy

Insulting as it may be, there are people who claim to know that the homes other people have made for themselves can't possibly be happy ones, no matter what the people in those homes say. Khusbu Bhakta reports at on an appearance by the Browns of "Sister Wives." The television personalities returned to UNLV to possibly open more minds.

Kody Brown from Sister Wives explaining his role in the show at the Marjorie Barrick Museum Auditorium on Thursday, April 25, 2013. PHOTOS BY PAULINA ZENG/THE REBEL YELL

“The great thing about [polygamy] is that it was our choice,” said patriarch Kody Brown. He held his position during the panel in the center of his four wives — Meri, Janelle, Christine and Robyn. Each time he spoke they looked at him in admiration.

The women were dressed in contemporary attire — high heels, black skirts and slacks and brightly colored tops. Their hair was blown out, their faces made-up and no bonnet in sight.
There are many flavors of polygamy and even more of polyamory.

A member of the crowd stood up and asked if the women were looking to Kody Brown for permission before they spoke.

Meri Brown heatedly grabbed the microphone and said she looks at her husband because she loves him and when she wants to speak she will. The audience applauded.
Women can and do freely choose to enter into polygynous relationships.

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