When Open Arms Have a Hidden Knife

A woman (whose interview is linked on this page), in responding to the conversation I published here, had this to say about her experience in dealing with family members’ reactions to her spousal-style relationship with her genetic brother...

This is just from my experience. But our mum for over a year hinted she knew about me and my brother...At one point she got into a conversation with me about an article she'd read about GSA and that she totally understood it. We still denied it. Then, one day, she phoned my brother and asked outright. Said she would understand and support us.

That was nearly two years ago. She hasn't spoken to us since.

She told other family members we were disgusting. Her loss. Didn't have her in my life for [decades] so no loss for me. But she bought my brother up and it’s him I feel for. Gotta say though, two of my sisters and a brother are totally cool with it. But as they say, they didn't know me until later in life so they see me more as an in-law.

At the start of my GSA relationship I was so frustrated because I was so happy in love and felt like bursting and shouting from the roof tops “I'm in love!” Experience has taught me to keep quiet and deny. I even had a girl at work come straight out and ask. She said she'd totally understand. But I've seen what the truth can do. It would be nice to confide in her, but I just don't trust.

If you’re an ally, please forgive people in consangiunamorous relationships if they don’t readily confide in you. There is so much hate (and in many places, criminalization), and as you can see, even people who supposedly love a person and say they’d understand can turn around the stab them in the back. So if you’re an ally, yes, it is good to tell someone you’d understand, that you support their rights, and that if they ever need to talk you’ll listen and protect their privacy. Just don’t be surprised if they keep that door shut.

Fortunately for this woman and her brother, they have each other (and some supportive loved ones). They are a beautiful couple, seem to me to have a great life together, and have a lot of enjoyment together. They get away to other places where they can walk hand-in-hand and kiss without drawing fire. The best revenge to being stabbed in the back is living a happy life well.