Thursday, March 30, 2017

Why Men Choose Polyandry

Ruth asked at a Big Internet Portal's question-and-answer service...
Why do men choose polyandry(a woman with multiple husbands)?
What's the appeal? Is their jealousy? How does sex work? Is it akward knowing that the other husband has had sex with your wife?I'd like to understand how polyandrous relationships work, especially from mens point of view. Could you handle your wife having another husband?

Why do men choose a monogamous marriage? Why do men choose not to marry at all? Why do some men choose a polygynous marriage, or a group marriage? It’s going to be different for different people, but you can find some common reasons that pop up frequently. It is a combination of needs and wants, including social, emotional, financial, sexual, etc.

A man may choose polyandry because he is bisexual, or because he enjoys seeing his wife with another man, or because his wife has a higher libido than he does, or for reasons that are entirely nonsexual.

You can see the very good Best Answer if you keep reading.
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Tuesday, March 28, 2017

The Dynamics of Cousin Relationships

Cousin relationships are on the edge of the issues addressed by this blog, facing somewhat less prejudice than relationships of closer relatives. Widely different laws from place to place and much ignorance and prejudice linger even as many places accept these relationships. In about half of US states, genetic first cousins (your parent's sibling's child is your first cousin) can legally marry. There are a few states with laws against consensual sex between first cousins, including North and South Dakota, Utah, Texas, Nevada, Kentucky, and Mississippi. The states that neither marry nor criminalize will generally allow first cousins to be together without marriage, as second-class citizens. There is much confusion and ignorance about these matters, so even people who are generally educated might not be aware that first cousins can legally marry, or might be unaware that people are actually thrown into prison for loving each other.

In the US, there is a false notion that marriages between first cousins in a Southern thing, but the varying state laws do not support that idea. Rather, these relationships exist in every region and in every class.
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Thursday, March 23, 2017

Casting Call For Cousins

Cheryl Hockey, Assistant Producer, Sugar Films is looking for cousins in relationships with each other.

I'm working on a documentary about cousin marriage for a British broadcaster.  As I'm sure you know, marrying your cousin is legal in Britain.  It is still fairly popular among the British Pakistani community here and the documentary will follow a young woman, from this community, who's considering the possibility of marrying one of her cousins.

On her journey she is keen to meet cousin couples from all different communities, and possibly countries.  She understands there is often a taboo around this topic, especially in other communities, so hopes it will raise awareness and also help to reduce prejudice around cousin relationships/marriage.
All initial conversations would be confidential and by people getting in touch with us it wouldn't commit them to taking part in any filming.
She says the best way to contact her is via her email or her office number: /
00 44 2031464533

As always, we advise careful consideration as it would be great to have increased visibility and media representation, but if you've been closeted there may be some risks, and of course you don't have control over how consanguineous relationships will be portrayed in the finished production.
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Saturday, March 18, 2017

Polahi Tribe Enjoys Consanguinamory

At, this report about a tribe in the Gorontalo Forest was filed under "Odd News." Not that some people insult the customs of others, or anything.
The Polahi nomadic tribe living in isolation in the forest of Indonesia’s Gorontalo province practices incest, permitting relationships between father and daughter or mother and son, a report said in Jakarta on Wednesday.

There's not a people group on the planet in which consensual incest doesn't take place. The difference is, it is usually kept in the closet these days. With this tribe, the relationships are official.
The tribe roams the thick forest of Humohulo in the Boliyohuto mountain range of Boalemo district in Gorontalo on Sulawesi island.

It is considered normal if a father marries his daughter or a son marries his mother.

The former head of the tribe, Baba Manio, who died in April, had two wives, Mama Tanio and Hasimah.
So in addition to consanguinamory, they also have polyamory, even if only a polygynous form. I'm curious to know if any of them practice polyandry and how they treat LGBT members of the tribe.
Babuta, the son of Mama Tanio and Baba Manio, replaced his father. Babuta is married to his sister Lailya, who is the daughter of Baba Manio and Hasimah.

So he's married to his half-sister. This is very much like the leaders of ancient Egypt and much more recently, Hawaii, as well as many nations and people groups.
Marriage rites are also simple, with the couple taken to a river and water thrown on both of them while mantras are read out.

Kompas online quoted photographer Ebbi Vebri Adrian, who often has contact with the tribe, as saying that despite their intermarriage, the tribe did not appear to suffer from the genetic deterioration usually associated with the practice.

“What is strange is that none of their descendents appeared handicapped, as is usual with intermarriages,” he said.

It's a matter of genes, diet, and environment. If those things are all good, the children from these relationships are likely to be healthy. The communal and familial bonds are no doubt quite strong as well. I'd be interested if they know how many generations back they have been doing this, and other sociological results of their relationships. Maybe we can learn something from them, whether from a biological perspective or sociological.

In many US states and some other countries, it would be illegal for the leader of this tribe, if visiting, to have sex with his wife. If his father had visited, one, if not both of his wives would be insulted by a denial of the recognition of their marital status. That's just one of many reasons we need to adopt full marriage equality sooner rather than later.
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Friday, March 17, 2017

New Mexico Needs New Laws

We've already linked to Jane's coverage of the latest news about Monica and Caleb. Below, we take a look at some of the coverage of news outlets.

Joy Johnston of Cox Media Group had this at
A mother and son in New Mexico who publicly admitted to being involved in an incestuous relationship have agreed to a plea deal, just before their trial was to begin.
Unfortunately, plea deals are often the way to go in cases like this, even when you're not actually in a consanguinamorous relationship, because the outrageous laws against consensual sex often include prison sentences for decades or even lifetime. You can't always trust that a jury won't be prejudiced to such an extent that they will convict you.
Monica Mares, 37, and Caleb Peterson, 20, accepted the plea deal Wednesday morning, just before jury selection was to begin in their case, KOAT reported.
Having a criminal case at all is a waste of resources.
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New Mexico Treats Consenting Adults as Criminals

Jane has an update on a case we last covered here. The bad news that consenting adults were criminally sentenced for the "crime" of loving each other. The good news is that they're weren't given prison time.

There is no good reason for denying any consenting adults their right to be together.

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Tuesday, March 14, 2017

More Petitions Now Available

If you believe all consenting adults should have their rights, there are some petitions you can help raise awareness, especially with the people in power.

France doesn't criminalize consanguineous relationships, but it still needs to be more egalitarian in marriage laws. As Jane has already noted on her blog, there is a petition we urge you to sign that calls for this.

The same situation exists in New Jersey. Please go sign this one for New Jersey.

The same situation as France and New Jersey exists in Rhode Island. Please go sign this petition for Rhode Island.
In New Mexico, it's illegal for certain adults to simple be affectionate with each other, so please sign this petition now!

Share the links with other people who want to support civil rights and human rights in general, who think it is outrageous or just plain wasteful to prosecute and imprison adults for loving each other or to deny them the right to marry.
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Monday, March 13, 2017

Seven Years Along and Still Denied the Freedom to Marry

This blog has featured scores of exclusive interviews with lovers are denied the freedom to be open about their love and are, by law, denied the freedom to marry and have that marriage treated equally under the law.

The woman interviewed below is, and was, clearly able to consent to her relationship. Along with her lover, she should be free to decide whether or not to legally marry, yet they could be harassed, persecuted, and prosecuted if they were open about their love. They are consenting adults who aren't hurting anyone; why should they be denied their rights? In much of the world, including all but a couple of US states, they could be criminally prosecuted for their love.

Read the interview below and see for yourself what they have to say. You may think her relationships are shocking, interesting, or you might find it incredibly sexy, but whatever your reaction, should these lovers be denied equal access to marriage or any other rights?


FULL MARRIAGE EQUALITY: Describe yourselves.

Daughter: I'm usually shy at first, but once you get to know me, I'm pretty outgoing. I like watching sci-fi movies, and I love learning about history. I do a lot of jogging in the park, and I love the ocean. Once my dad taught me how to swim, I couldn't stay away from the water. I also love dogs, and we actually have a dog name Snow for it's the color of the dog. She's a big part of our life.

Father: I do a lot of landscaping, and building houses too. I love swimming whether it's in the ocean, or river. I introduced the ocean to my daughter, and she fell in love with it. I have a boat, and two jet skis, so usually on our spare time, we will go to the beach.

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Listen to This Podcast Right Now

Our dearest friend Cristina Shy bravely appeared on the "Nothing Off Limits" podcast to talk about her activism and her own experiences with Genetic Sexual Attraction and consanguinamory. If you've been experiencing something similar, or if you're curious about these topics, you should listen.

Way to, go, Cristina! A big thanks to everyone at for doing this.

Since this blog is mentioned in the podcast and you might have found yourself here as a result, please see this.

Other good friends of ours have appeared on the radio before, not too long ago. Give a listen her here and both of them here.

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Thursday, March 9, 2017

When "Incest" is Consanguinamory - a Consensual, Positive Experience

[This is a popular entry from a few years ago, being bumped up because it is still relevant.]

There are people who would have everyone believe that there are no happy consanguinamorous relationships. That romance or eroticism with a close biological relative can only be a bad experience. Over at PFI [a site that doesn't exist anymore... go to Kindred Spirits for an existing place to talk], one discussion participant asked a question and answered it first…

If you could go back in time to where it all started and have the knowledge you do now about what lay ahead of you in this thing called incest, would you still go through with it ??

i've thought about it many times, and the answer i come up is yes i would, sure there are many tears and hard times you go through, but for me the good has always outweighed the bad, life is what you make of it, and we've made a very good life for ourselves....

The first response…

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Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Support the Rights of All Women

Have you been observing International Women's Day?

All women should be free to be themselves, to have their basic human and civil rights, whether they are cisgender, transgender, or noncomforming or fluid; whether they are asexual, heterosexual, lesbian, bisexual, polysexual, or pansexual; whether they are aromantic, celibate, monogamous, or ethically nonmonogamous. Whether they are questioning or they are certain. Whether they are raising children or have raised children or not. Whether they are a married or partnered or single.

A woman, regardless of her birth, sexual orientation, relationship orientation, race, or religion, should be free to share love, sex, residence, and marriage (and any of those without the others) with ANY and ALL consenting adults, without fear of prosecution, bullying, shaming, or discrimination.

(Same goes for any other adults, too.)
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Casting Call for Cousins and Stepsiblings

We have another casting call, this time for cousins of any degree who are together, and also for stepsiblings who are together. As always, it would be great to increase representation and visibility, but I also generally advise caution in dealing with media. Only you and your partner(s) can decide what is best for you.

Here is the message...

I'm writing to you as a result of seeing your blog. I'm a producer at Sirens Media and we're developing a docu-series about cousins [and stepsiblings] who are in happy, healthy relationships. The goal of our program is to feature a handful of couples and tell their love stories.


I can be reached directly at or on 773-610-5493. Sirens Media has created a number of docu-series and reality programs for virtually every television network, including TLC, Discovery, A&E and History, just to name a few. You can read about Sirens Media at Here is my LinkedIn:, just so you know I'm legit.


Yours truly,
Tracy Ullman, Development Producer


If you decide to check this out, please keep us updated on how it goes (in so far as you're allowed).
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Saturday, March 4, 2017

Sign These Petitions to Support Equality

If you believe all consenting adults should have their rights, there are some petitions you can help raise awareness, especially with the people in power.

France doesn't criminalize consanguineous relationships, but it still needs to be more egalitarian in marriage laws. As Jane has already noted on her blog, there is a petition we urge you to sign that calls for this.

The same situation exists in New Jersey. The latest petition is now online. Please go sign this one for New Jersey.

In New Mexico, it's illegal for certain adults to simple be affectionate with each other, so please sign this petition now! Share the link with other people who want to support civil rights and human rights in general, who think it is outrageous or just plain wasteful to prosecute and imprison adults for loving each other.
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Thursday, March 2, 2017

We Get Letters From Experienced Consanguinamorists

We have two letters to share today from people who've experienced consanguinamorous relationships.

The first was a comment on "Like Parent, Like Child" from someone in an intergenerational relationship...
My mom and I are involved in a relationship. My dad had an accident and became bed ridden. My mom was always busy taking care of him and also doing a lot of works to make the ends meet. In this period I tried to help and support her as much as possible. Eventually we became very close and open to each other. Gradually we started building up attraction to each other. We started acting on that and becoming intimate and we realized what we both want. Though at first it was going on behind my dad's back but my and me both felt guilty about deceiving him so we confessed to him.

This happens more than people think, and it always has; someone in the family becomes incapacitated or passes, and the result is that erotic and romantic energies are redirected. This blog supports polyamory, open relationships, and other forms of ethical nonmonogamy instead of cheating, but the realities of the way things currently are in so many places discourages honesty. Having relationship rights for all will help people avoid getting into situations where cheating seems to be the best option.
And to our surprise he understood our situation and said he has no problem with it as long as we are both happy.
That's wonderful!
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